After all, Love is not enough

You know, ever since my divorce, I have always wondered why Love is not enough. I kept thinking to myself, that maybe I didn't loved her enough. Maybe I didn't do everything I could. Maybe I just didn't tried hard enough. Today I find myself thinking that Love is not enough.

It's been 4 years, 2 months and 13 days since I came to P.R., add about an extra year to that from the time my life went to hell.

Since then I have tried so hard to please everyone but myself. I keep telling me not to fall in Love and yet, I keep making the same mistakes. Is it fate? Am I destined to be alone?

Why is it that if I fall in Love... no scratch that, I fall in deep deep love, the kind of love that you would die for. The kind of love that makes you do whatever it takes to make that person happy, to please and forget about your own desires and aspirations. Then why is it, and I have gone down this path for the third time, that is never good enough?

This time I have no one to blame but myself. Everything happened so quickly. Maybe I was so lonely, that I was lying to myself telling there was something more here. Maybe... Who Knows, all I know is that I was blinded by hope.

I am so tired. Tired of trying, tired of living, tired of searching...

I am so tired of wanting my old lifestyle back.

I am just tired of waiting to be loved.

jesusOmar

Walter.... WTF

Heh I usually don't read this but you gota admit sometimes they do get it right....


Lucky guess I errr... guess...

Aries

21 de marzo – 20 de abril

Tu estilo de vida cambia aunque no quieras. Te cuidarás más y sabrás regalarte más tiempo. No te desvivirás más por complacer a otras personas. Te complacerás a ti mismo. Tu vida social será menos demandante y de mayor calidad.

On a Thursday February 15, 12:24pm, Wile sitting at my desk, staring at my computer monitor, with little over a month before I turn 30, I have just realize what my problem is. In almost 30 years of life, I have never had to work towards getting a girl in my life. Woman has always find me, I have been dating since I was in primary school, and 20 plus years later I can't recollect a single time where I had actually needed to seduce a woman. Not even my ex-wife. I never spent more than a few months alone before another one showed up. I don't consider myself a narcissist, nor do I think I was a bad husband/boyfriend to any of them. It was just the fact that it all came to me naturally.

Now for the past 3 years I have been in search for my soul mate, that one person that I have sworn to love and cherish, and to please in every which way possible to make up for all those years lost. My problem is easy to spot, though it has taken me over 3 years to figure it out. I don't know how. What is it that I’m supposed to say? How should I act? Should I just be myself? Should I try to mimic all those "Galan’s" from those soap operas woman love to watch? Should I tell them the truth about everything? About how I loved my wife and screwed up our relationship with every decision I made out of selfishness? Should I lie and tell them that I was just tired and married life wasn't for me?

Everyone keeps talking about marriage now days and my reaction is always the same, "they got me once, they will not get me again I will never marry again!" is what burst out of my lips. But my heart wishes to have someone to love, someone to argue with, and someone to cry and laugh with. The things I never did the first time around. I want to come home from work and sit on a balcony and just talk. Lay on her lap wile she watches soap operas. Wake up in the middle of the night and just stare at her. Am I wrong for wanting to turn back time and start over again? Am I selfish for wanting someone in my life with out caring who? Why is it that the ones I want are the ones I can't have?

Yesterday... for the first time in my life, I had no one to give a Valentines to. Since I can recall I have always had someone to spend Valentines with. Maybe I didn't take advantage of all those years, which I didn't do anything special, maybe this is my punishment for that, or maybe this is what Doctors call depression and I am just over doing, over thinking, over analyzing everything and I should just forget about it and continue my life with out worries. Drinking, Partying, Lying....

Happy Valentines To Me.

I seriously don't fucking understand woman. 1 stupid joke and everything gets blown out of fucking proportions. I am so fucking tired of this game is not even funny anymore.

Everyone lies and tell you that they want you to be yourself but I tell you..... is nothing but LIES. Everyone wants everyone else to be their perfect little friend and no one wants to fucking understand that different people see things a different way. There is no tolerance in this world for different points of view and thats exactly why this world is so fucked up to live in. I don't care who you are or where you are from, if you want to succeed in life you have to 1) Kiss as much ass as you can on your way up, and 2) Back stab as many motherfuckers as you can on the way there. This is whats going to make the people around you happy. No not honesty, when someone asks how does this look on me, or what is your opinion on a subject, they don't want your honest opinion, No, what they want is to have backup, they want you to think just like them to be happy. They don't really give a damn what you think, but they want to feel like they are right no matter what.

Well at least I know that 1 person out there reading this will sure feel good that my life is not as perfect as she thinks it is.