On a Thursday February 15, 12:24pm, Wile sitting at my desk, staring at my computer monitor, with little over a month before I turn 30, I have just realize what my problem is. In almost 30 years of life, I have never had to work towards getting a girl in my life. Woman has always find me, I have been dating since I was in primary school, and 20 plus years later I can't recollect a single time where I had actually needed to seduce a woman. Not even my ex-wife. I never spent more than a few months alone before another one showed up. I don't consider myself a narcissist, nor do I think I was a bad husband/boyfriend to any of them. It was just the fact that it all came to me naturally.

Now for the past 3 years I have been in search for my soul mate, that one person that I have sworn to love and cherish, and to please in every which way possible to make up for all those years lost. My problem is easy to spot, though it has taken me over 3 years to figure it out. I don't know how. What is it that I’m supposed to say? How should I act? Should I just be myself? Should I try to mimic all those "Galan’s" from those soap operas woman love to watch? Should I tell them the truth about everything? About how I loved my wife and screwed up our relationship with every decision I made out of selfishness? Should I lie and tell them that I was just tired and married life wasn't for me?

Everyone keeps talking about marriage now days and my reaction is always the same, "they got me once, they will not get me again I will never marry again!" is what burst out of my lips. But my heart wishes to have someone to love, someone to argue with, and someone to cry and laugh with. The things I never did the first time around. I want to come home from work and sit on a balcony and just talk. Lay on her lap wile she watches soap operas. Wake up in the middle of the night and just stare at her. Am I wrong for wanting to turn back time and start over again? Am I selfish for wanting someone in my life with out caring who? Why is it that the ones I want are the ones I can't have?

Yesterday... for the first time in my life, I had no one to give a Valentines to. Since I can recall I have always had someone to spend Valentines with. Maybe I didn't take advantage of all those years, which I didn't do anything special, maybe this is my punishment for that, or maybe this is what Doctors call depression and I am just over doing, over thinking, over analyzing everything and I should just forget about it and continue my life with out worries. Drinking, Partying, Lying....

Happy Valentines To Me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

one of my favorites so far..